Four years ago, I read about Jolabokaflod. An Icelandic tradition of giving books and spending Christmas Eve reading.
We adopted it ourselves, but we do it the evening of the last day of school before Christmas break.
Hot cocoa, new books, a fire in the fireplace, and reading snuggled up in blankets.
No one can convince me this wasn't intentional.
Adolescents and feisty kids are not always a fun match.
Ally did not want to go to horse lessons today. We usually go Fridays, but we had to reschedule because they had ski club She doesn't like to do things on the weekend, so she was angry.
I'd talked to her earlier and explained that we had only gone once this month for various reasons and we couldn't go next week, because it was Christmas Eve, so we had to go even though she preferred to stay home.
She kept pushing me, trying to get me to engage, so I said, "Ally, I love you too much to talk about this anymore." She made a snorting noise, so I continued, "I don't want to damage our relationship."
She glared at me and said, as if possessed by a demon, "Too late. The relationship is already damaged."
Ally has drawn some conclusions that must be the result of being eleven years old with a budding understanding of how the world works while still believing in Santa Claus.
Sometimes I worry about Luke because he’s very sensitive and he can be shy, but sometimes he surprises me.
Luke and Ally went to Dave’s office to get their Covid shots. (Yay!!)
When they were leaving, Dave’s partner Matt came out and was talking to them. Matt’s son Liam is about Luke’s age. Matt said, “Luke, Liam is really jealous of your hair.”
Luke nodded, and replied with a completely straight face, “He should be.”
My iPhone started to glitch a week or so ago. It didn't always registering my voice and occasionally the touch screen wouldn't responding. Then it began to not play my alarm. If I turned if off and back on again, it would work fine for the rest of the day. By Monday, though, it started to not play any sound at all, so I brought it in.
The tech I got commented, "Man... this is really messed up."
"Yep," I thought, "I reached that conclusion, and I don't even work for Apple."
She told me we needed to erase it and reset it to factory settings because it was most likely a software issue, and if we reset it from backup, it would maybe bring that issue along with it again.
I went home and spent the entire night feeling quite lost. I'm sure this would be somewhat disruptive for the majority people, but you have to understand... I don't really have a usable brain. My brain flashes ideas into my head and I have approximately 3.7 seconds to realize one is important and record it into a place where I can organize it, and thus organize my life, before that idea is replaced with a dozen or so more ideas.
On my phone is my calendar, my grocery list, my to-do list...which is everything to get me through the day, my text messages, where I can look back and check what someone said, my maps, because goodness knows I can barely find more than the grocery store and the kids schools without a map, and a bunch of other things I use several times a day.
I was able to eventually able to get contacts, my calendar, and grocery list. But, I had to re-download apps, and none of them were in the right place where I could find them. And once I did find them, I had to re-login to things and, although it should be easier with my login and passwords on the keychain, I somehow have over five passwords saved for many apps.
I spent the night attempting to get things somewhat back into order, but I'd lost my text messages and a month of photos had disappeared.
I woke up the next day, and my phone is completely jacked up again. This time, it was constantly recording. So if I tried to type a name for text message, it would pick up on what was being said. Unfortunately my phone didn't pull up the right number for my friend Melissa when this popped up on the screen: Meli to the lunch room and they were out of the Snapple I like so I
I made another appointment at the Apple Store. But, they couldn't get me in until the afternoon, and I literally couldn't use my phone.
So, I go in and talk to the guy who checks people in and I explain about the day before and that I really need to get in sooner.
He was really nice. He sets me up with these two guys. I tell them that I must need something physical done, because, obviously, restoring to factory settings didn't work.
They take it in the back and get the microphone to turn off and try to send me on my way. I'm thinking, "Wait, no. My phone didn't work. They messed up everything good about it, and now it doesn't work again." I tell them fixing the microphone isn't going to fix the problem, because a few days ago, it was one random thing, then two, and by yesterday it was a bunch of stuff. Now one more random thing is happening. They were like, "It's a different problem this time, so the erasing worked and now this is a new problem." I'm like, "Um... is it? I had tons of problems and this is just a new iteration of it." They aren't having it. So, before the tears welling up in my eyes can fall out, I thank them and walk away.
Then I compose myself and find the guy who checked me in. I tell him that my problem isn't solved and ask if he can help me.
He was so wonderful. He was a gentle, empathetic young guy. He said things like, "Oh, no. I can see how frustrating that would be," "Let me make sure I understand what you're telling me," "It certainly sounds like you didn't have the experience you should have gotten here," and "Please know that we're going to get this taken care of before you leave here." It turned out he was also a tech, so he checked people in and then pulled up a station and helped me by the front door.
He immediately helped me feel calmer. He really didn't end up doing anything differently than the woman the day before had done, but he made sure I completely understood why we had to go that route. He also made sure I knew he understood me.
I immediately began to think of the training I'd taken to help me work with parents and the things I try to train parents to do with kids. I once again thought how I'd love to be a therapist. I thought, I want to be as effective as this guy in helping people feel heard and cared for.
After we were just about done, I asked, "Where did you get your training in active listening and empathy?" He looked confused, "I mean, you're such an empathetic listener," and nervously, I kind of joke, "Is that just you? Are you just naturally that good?" And I start to get really nervous, so I over explained more. "I mean... do you come from a therapy background?" (The guy is like 25; he obviously hasn't quit his psycho-therapy practice to take up in the Apple store.)
The guy's answer is not one I would have guessed if you'd given more seventy-five guesses, "Well," he starts out, "some of it does come from Apple, but mostly I've been reading Tarrot and astrological signs for about ten years. So it comes from that."
Yesterday was tough. Luke had his second day of a tournament. We had to get up at 6:00am to get there on time, but I got up at 6:15 because my iPhone was having issues and the alarm didn't work.
I sped just fast enough to hopefully not get pulled over to get to Oconomowoc in less than 45 minutes. We parked and walked about a half mile to try to find Luke’s team.
We were freezing because everything was covered in frost and it was 38 degrees. I'd expected low 50's but that was the forecast by the lake, not in Oconomowoc.
Finally, we frantically walked up to the Coach where a few kids were kicking a ball around.
Luke kicked his ball over to join him and said, “I think my ball froze.”
The coach said, “Mine are, too.”
“Hahahaha!!” I laughed, gesturing to Luke's soccer ball, “He meant that ball. Hahahahaha!!”
The coach looked at me confused. And then bemusedly, he gestures over toward the goal, to six or seven soccer balls and said, “I meant the ones on the field.”
I walked away and hid in the bathroom, contemplating why I'm such an idiot.
 |
| I mean, even Riley thinks he's cute! |
 |
| But Milo isn't sure what to make of Riley. |
 |
| WHAT!? |
Luke has become a junior referee for soccer games. He attended a training, and then he's been refereeing games for younger kids.
Although I love that Luke enjoys playing soccer, I've never been that excited about games. I've just never really been into watching any sports. Aside from the occasional basketball game, I lose attention in about 15 seconds.
This refereeing, however, was something I was really excited about him doing. I loved the responsibility he was taking on. (I also got excited when Kate and Anna started babysitting, when Kate started tutoring, and when Ally decided to start helping kids with homework.) I feel like it's a big step.
At first he was nervous to ref and so was his friend Liam, so they did a few games together.
His first game on his own was Saturday. I watched him get all set up and then I took a little walk. When I came back, I was standing on the sidelines when I overheard a parent say, "The other thing I love about this ref is that he's teaching them sides."
After the game, two different people came up to Luke and complimented him on how well he did reffing and working with the kids. When we were walking out, I heard a guy say to his wife, "This was the best ref we've had yet!"
I told Luke how proud I was of him. I told him I loved how he worked with the kids and helped them learn. I said I was impressed how well he did with younger kids. I said, "A lot of time,
kids with younger siblings are good with kids, but you're just as good. I think it's because..."
I was going to say that I thought it was because he's been exposed to younger kids when I nanny and tutor, but he continued, "...because of Ally. Because she's younger than me."
I agreed that those four minutes were probably why.
I’m never been one to lie down and relax during the day, but knowing three kittens will climb on top of me, purr, and fall asleep is just the incentive I needed.
We took them in as fosters a month ago when they were just 16 days old. They couldn't eat on their own or even drink out of a bottle. We had to drip food into their mouths (and all over them and our hands) with a syringe every 2-3 hours, even overnight. They couldn't pee or poop on their own, so we had to rub them, like their mother would lick them, and help them eliminate. Every time we fed them, we'd have to wash them off and dry them like their mother would lick them. The process took about 40 minutes. I'd also have to wash all their bedding so they could stay clean and dry (and I'd usually have to wash my clothes, too, because the feedings were so messy).
After a week or so, we stopped the nighttime feedings, and that was a lot easier. The two males also started to be able to drink from a bottle, which made the process less messy and a bit quicker.
After another week, they began to be able to use the litter box, so that was even easier.
After three weeks, two of them started to be able to eat solid food out of a bowl, so only the grey one needed a bottle.
This last week, they've gotten to be so much fun. They walk all around like they own the place. They wrestle with each other and Lola has now started to pay with them, as well, which is ridiculously cute.
They always want attention, especially the sweet grey boy. He follows me all around and climbs up my pants leg until I snuggle him. And when I do, he purrs and purrs. Every time I'm sitting down, he'll climb on my lap, get comfortable, purr, and fall asleep.
 |
| These are the records where we tracked their feedings, poop/pee, and weight. I think this little buddy was curious how he was doing. |
Luke is a beautifully sensitive, empathetic person. I deeply love that about him, but sometimes it breaks my heart. I know exactly how hard it is to feel everything so darn deeply. I know what it's like to cry when I don't want to. And, not to be sexist, but I feel like it's going to be even harder for him being male.
He worries about how things that happen at school must make other kids and teachers feel. He knows when I'm feeling stressed, and he'll come rub my back to help me relax.
And occasionally, I think his brain and my brain processes things exactly the same.
I was talking to one of our neighbors at the cottage and Luke was sitting near by. The neighbor told us that their relatives were hunting in Africa. I was confused. I asked, "What are they hunting?"
She answered, "They got a zebra the other day."
I wasn't sure if she was just teasing. I asked, "Seriously? A zebra?"
She said, "Oh, yes. We saw a picture."
I was horrified. A zebra?! Why would they hunt a zebra? Do they eat it? I wasn't sure what to say, so there was a pause.
Then Luke piped up, like he was inside my head. "Why would anyone do that?!?"
Exactly.
Luke and Ally have pronounced the word pumpkin as "punk-man" since they learned to talk. Dave and I have always thought it was adorable. Luke even named his stuffed dog "Punkman."
They're now in sixth grade, though. On the way home from Luke and Liam refereeing a soccer game for younger kids, Luke was telling Liam about how they had a bunch of pumpkin spice foods at youth group.
After the fifth or sixth thing Luke described, Liam asked, "Are you saying 'punkman'?"
When we got home, I told both Luke and Ally that we always loved how they said it, but it's actually pronounced, "Pump-kin."
Luke nodded and said, "Yeah... I know... but doesn't 'punkman' sound more... more like a punkman?"
We were logging off of a family Zoom meet with relatives and Ally said, "You guys, when you get off Zoom they can hear you... maybe. So I just sit quiet and smile at the screen for a while after I log off just in case."
I'm pretty good at mental math. I generally know, within a dollar or so, what the check will come to in a restaurant, I know if there's a mistake when I'm checking out at the store, and there have been quite a few times in my life when Dave and I are ordering something for the house or something like that and people have looked at me and said, "Did you just figure that out in your head?"
I got it from my dad. He's way better than I am.
It sounds like my nephews inherited my dad's math skills, and I've always thought Luke had as well. The thing with Luke is, though, that he (unlike my dad and me) doesn't seem to think too much about math. He doesn't feel the somewhat compulsive need to total everything. (Which is fortunate for him.) But on the occasion when Luke does run numbers in his head, it's quite impressive.
Last night I had a class that went later than usual.
Luke was sad that it was so late. He said, "Mom... you were teaching for two hours!"
"I know. It did get late. But," I added to distract him, "I made $120."
"Oh! Did you charge $12/hour for 5 people?"
It took me a second, because when he said $12/hour, I thought, I didn't teach for ten hours. And then when he finished his sentence, I had to quickly check his math. It actually took me longer than it had taken him.
Dave has a certain way of teasing me and today I learned my twins have also mastered it.
Luke and Ally were unloading the dishwasher and asked why so many big bowls were in there. I explained that Ally loaded it after making cookies and he comments, "Well, she fit them in good."
I reply, "Well. She fit them in well."
Luke comments, "I think it's pronounced 'good.'"
I smile but ignore it. Living with Dave over half my life has trained me well.
Ally puts the mixing bowl in the mixer and says, "The way you taught me to put the bowl in the mixer works better. It's a really well way to do it."
Before I think, I say, "Good." Then I look up at her. She's smirking. "Did you do that on purpose?"
She laughs.
I smile and shake my head.
Then Luke says to Ally, "That was a well one, Ally."
I can't help it. I laugh. "Dave!" I yell, "You're going to appreciate this. Come listen to what they said."
I relay the story. He says, "Well job, guys."
 |
| Half birthday celebration, Covid isolation (for Luke) style |
