Unsolicited comments

I'm getting used to people commenting, "Wow, you really have your hands full!"  Instead of getting annoyed as a certain spouse of mine does, I just see it as a form of empathy from strangers. 

But the last few days have brought some new comments, ones I'm not as used to.  On two shopping trips, one to Target and one to Pick 'N Save, I heard three variations of "Oh, you have two sets of twins?" and one person had the audacity to ask, "Woh... um... are they all yours?"

Of course, I'm always polite.  I smile and patiently answer their questions, and then I usually spend a moment engaging in the chit chat they initiate, always ending with a, "Have a great day!" 

But, if I were to give in to the crabbiness that tries to surface when I'm overwhelmed, there are a few things I might want to say.

To the people who ask about the two sets of twins, I'd consider saying, "Okay, listen, I'm slightly busy here.  As you obviously noticed, I have four small children with me.  As you may not have considered, I'm not in this store to be on display for your entertainment or a just as a subject of curiosity. I have some things I need to buy, and a limited time to do that before one or more of my children completely melt down.  Before you ask me something as stupid as that, could you take a second of your own time (while you're staring at me anyway) to look at my two oldest more closely?  One is a lot taller than the other.  She has longer hair; she walks more like a preschooler than a toddler; she has much more developed speech... Use your processes of deduction to figure out the answer yourself."

To the person who asked me if they were all mine, while she engaged me in chit chat as I held a car seat in each arm, each with a young girl holding on to them, I was dying to say,  "No.  I just love the challenge of shopping with one cart and two car seats, a sick toddler, and, just for fun, a four-year-old, as well.  What do you think?"

But for now, I'll stick to smiling politely and taking the time to satisfy the curiosity of strangers.

Dust jackets

 I was playing in the playroom with Anna and the babies. Luke was getting tired, so I went to put him up in his room. When I came back down, I found Anna looking at a book's dust jacket, flipping it over and over in her hands. When she noticed I'd returned, she looked up at me and said, perplexed, "This book has no words, Mommy."

Big Beefy Boy

Okay, so none of my kids have been remotely "big."  But Luke, being so much closer to normal sized than any of the rest, has gotten himself referred to as "Big Beefy Boy" on occassion.

Luke's normal sized hand is on the right, next to Ally's tiny, dainty fingers..

Luke's foot is on the left.

My helper

The only thing Anna finds tolerable about Kate going to school, is that she gets to be my sole helper when Kate is gone. One of her favorite things to do is bathe the babies with me, especially wash their feet.

Anna washing Lukey's piggies.

Anna washing Ally's tiny piggies.

Buddies

They didn't mind one bit being put in this chair together, in fact, they, once again, found each other's hand.  I guess it's a lot roomier than the womb they spent so long sharing. 

Well...

Kate's baby has to eat, too.

Kid Logic

On Thursday we started making a scarecrow to decorate our front yard, stuffing clothes with leaves and carving a pumpkin for the head.  Since Kate wasn't feeling well, we didn't finish and planned to finish it the next day.

Friday morning, Kate said she'd rather wait until the weekend. I joked around, saying, "Okay... but, do we really want to wait another day to get a scarecrow out in our front yard? What if the crows just take over the place?"

Kate rolled her eyes and laughed, but not because we've never seen a crow in our front yard or because we don't have any crops planted there. Nope. Shaking her head at my silliness, Kate said, "Mommy! Don't you think the crows are migrating?"

More from Anna

In order to display more of the girls' artwork without having it all over the entire house, I hang things on the inside of the cupboard doors.  I was giving Anna a snack Friday when she noticed a cow mask she'd made in library class hanging up on one of the doors.  She asked, "Why my cow mask hanging up there, Mommy?"  I didn't catch what she'd said right away, so I looked at her for a second.  She put on the biggest pouty face and asked, "Why you not want me to be a cow anymore?" 

That poor child is so persecuted!  It's not only that I won't let her wear her cow mask.  Dave was playing with the girls yesterday when the topic of trains came up.  A couple weeks ago, I cleared off the train  table to make it into a Lego table.  I took the train tracks and trains that were played with less than once a week and put them in the basement so the girls could have a great place to play with the Legos that they play with most of the day. This was apparently not okay with our little martyr who explained to her father, "I hab a train, Daddy.  I hab a train, but mommy won't let me hab it. It's in the basement, and it's a Thomas train, and it's my favorite, but mommy won't let me hab it."

Along with denying Anna of trains, she's also being denied nutrition.  She has become a huge fan of pumpkin pie.  I had been faithfully supplying her with a piece of pie almost every day this month until I concluded I may gain less weight if there wasn't constantly one of my favorite desserts in the refrigerator.  Friday Anna asked, "After nap, can I hab some pumpkin pie?"  I explained we didn't have any pumpkin pie and gave her some other choices for a snack.  She looked like it was ridiculous that there wouldn't be a pumpkin pie, and she explained, "We can get another pumpkin from the apple orchard and make one."

Anna has all sorts of ideas.  She hates it when Kate is gone at school.  Thursday Kate didn't have school, and, since she was also sick, she even napped with Anna.  That night when Anna heard Kate had school the next day, she was really disappointed and warned us, "Kate can't go to school. She's sick. If she goes to school she'll get germs all ober the place!"

Cultural diversity

Try as I might to help my family become sensitive to cultural diversity, I've failed again. 

On Saturday my friend's baby was getting her Hebrew name at a Shabbot morning service at her temple.  Because Anna was sick, only Kate came with me.  I was looking through the prayerbook with her, showing her how, because it was in Hebrew, the book went from right to left instead of left to right.  During the service, we followed along with the Rabbi, flipping from page to page, and Kate was a little confused by the numbering.  Finally, she got frustrated and declared, just a little too loudly, "I really don't like this backwards Bible!"

This reminds me of the time we were going to another friend's daughter's Bat Mitzvah.  The friend mentioned to Dave a few times that there would be a Kiddush meal following the ceremony.  Dave, hearing the word "kid-ish" every time she said "Kiddush," expected there to be things like chicken nuggets, mac & cheese, and tater tots.

But it's not just the Jewish faith my family has desecrated.  Many years back, Dave was a groomsman in a Catholic wedding.  The church was decorated with flowers and watering cans.  During the rehearsal, I was sitting in a pew watching a little boy, maybe two years old, pick up one of the decorative watering cans and carry it around.  I thought he was cute, so I asked him, "Oooh, are you going to water the flowers?"  A few minutes later, the boys' mother came up to me.  She was fuming mad, holding the boy who was now wet under one arm.  She said, "I hope someone does this to you some day when you have kids!"  I was utterly confused.  I later learned that, upon my suggestion of watering the flowers, the little boy had gone and tried to fill the watering can in the holy water!

Kate's field trip

Kate went on her first field trip today.  They went to the pumpkin farm.  I was a little nervous sending her on her own.  I'd always assumed I'd chaperone her first field trip, but we couldn't make that work with our overabundance of tiny children. 

Around 3:35 Anna and I were about to whip up some brownies for the people who bring Kate to church on Wednesdays.  After we'd gotten out the ingredients, I'd realized I had to run down to the basement to grab something and Anna insisted on coming along.  While we were down there, the phone rang.  Since I was nervous about the field trip, I wanted to get the phone.  Even though I'd grabbed Anna and run up the stairs, I didn't get to it before it stopped ringing.  When I looked at the number, I didn't recognize it.  Since I was nervous, I called the number back.  It was immediately picked up by a recording saying it was Kate's school district.  My stomach sunk.  Kate!  Something had happened to Kate!  I couldn't even think.  As I tried to figure out which number to press to get Kate's school, Ally began to scream in the bouncy seat in the corner and part of my mind noticed Anna taking an egg from the carton. 

Then my cell phone rang and I thought I was going to throw up.  It must be a real emergency!  Which hospital should I have them take her to?  I hung up the home phone and reached for my cell phone.  "Kristal, this is..."  Kate's teacher paused after she introduced herself, but I couldn't even respond.  She continued, "nothing's wrong..."  I let out a little laugh of relief, and she explained, "Kate just picked the biggest pumpkin at the farm, and..."

Her teacher proceeded to explain that Kate couldn't lift her pumpkin so she'd put Kate on the bus with her pumpkin at her feet.  She explained that I'd have to get in the bus to get Kate's pumpkin when she got home.  I laughed and thanked her teacher.  After I hung up, I let out a big sigh of relief, laughed at how ridiculous I was, and began to clean up the egg from the table, Anna's hands, Anna's shirt, the chair...

Anna makes me laugh again

Ally was lying in the hallway. Anna walked over to her holding a hat from one of her dolls. Anna gently placed the hat on Ally's head and said, "Ally a cowgirl." I smiled and agreed that Ally was a cowgirl. Then she placed the hat on Ally's tummy and said, "Now she a cow tummy!"

This kid cracks me up

Anna is hilarious.  Of course, sometimes she's funny just because she's two and a half, but she also has a unique, and even mature, sense of humor.

Here are some of the things she's said lately that have made me laugh:

Anna makes a certain face when she's in a bad mood. She really hams it up, too, accentuating the pout or angry face. The other day when she was doing it, Dave asked her, "Anna, why's your face like that?" Anna replied, "You know why my face is like this, Daddy. It's because I'm grumpy!"

Anna was calling Kate, "Kate Sarah."  At first I thought it was just because Anna's full name is Annemarie Sarah, and she thought that was Kate's middle name, as well.  But it soon became obvious that Anna was only calling Kate this when she was frustrated with her.  It turns out that, because when Anna isn't cooperating, Dave and I often call her by her full name, Anna seems to think adding "Sarah" to a name is a severe thing to say.

The other day when we came in from outside, I told Anna to wash her hands. To my surprise, she complied. But when she came out, she ran over to me and bragged, "I not use soap, I not use soap, I not use soap, Miss Mommy Melbye!" Then she ran over to Kate and told her, "I tease my mom!"

When my parents were over last week, my dad was playing Legos with Anna.  I was holding Luke.  Luke let out a little toot and I said to Luke in baby talk, "Lukey, you're a little stinky.  Yes, you're a stinky baby, a really stinky baby."  I overheard Anna explain to my dad, "Mommy's teasing my brother."

I was cuddling in bed with Anna one morning when Kate woke up and came in the room.  Anna said, "Good morning, Sweet Pea!"  (This, of course, is what she hears me say to Kate every morning, but it's hilarious when a two-year-old says it to a four-year-old.)  Anna also often says, "Mommy, you're cute."  It's just so much more appropriate when I say it to her!

Anna didn't want to eat something we were having for dinner a few weeks ago.  She called it, "Yucky."  We explained that you can say you don't care for something, but that you shouldn't call it yucky.  She repeated, "Yucky."  We ignored her.  She tried to call it "Yucky" again, and again we ignored her.  Finally, playing off Luke's nickname, Lukey Loco, she declared her food, "Yucky Yoco!"

A couple weeks ago, Anna was playing with Strawberry Shortcake.  She had her swing on the swing hanging from her feet.  Anna asked me, "Strawberry Shortcake is swinging from her feet.  Does that seem safe?"

A couple weeks ago, I decided to give the girls a big treat and buy them Lucky Charms. Anna wouldn't eat them, because she's unfamiliar with the word "lucky" and was convinced they were called, "Yucky Charms."

I was nursing Luke Sunday morning when I sneezed.  Anna looked at me severely and reprimanded me, "Don't sneeze on my baby!"

The kids

I have a list of things I want to write about, but I haven't had time to actually do it.  For now, I only have time to quickly post a couple picture of my four cuties.

They (really do) grow up so fast

I'm feeling quite sentimental today.  My kids are getting so big! 

Anna says things that make her seem so much older than two-and-a-half.  Earlier today, I offered her a snack before nap.  She asked what it would be.  I asked, "Would you like an apple?"  She replied, "Oh, that would be great, Mommy.  That would be super great." 

Later, as Anna headed upstairs for a nap, she said, "Goodnight, Yuke.  Goodnight, A-yie.  Goodnight, twins."  When I laughed, she explained, "A-yie's my sister, and Yuke is my boy." 

Not quite as cute, but definitely making her seem older, was something Anna said last night.  Dave told her the Lego people had to stay in the playroom, and she whined, "But, Dahhh-dy!" Dave and I suddenly thought we had an adolescent in the house.

Something else is making me even more sentimental today.  Kate learned to spell words, out of nowhere... like... this morning.  (She didn't learn it in 4K, where they spent the first four weeks focusing on colors and shapes and just recently introduced the letter A, all things she's known for at least two years.)  About a year ago, I'd taught Kate all the sounds letters make, and I was a little disappointed when she didn't want to learn to read.  Knowing not to push her, I waited until she began to show interest, which finally happened  only a few weeks ago.  Suddenly, she showed interest in what things said, and she began sounding words out. 

This morning, Kate asked to type on the computer.  She's done this before.  She types out words she's known for a while, like names of family members, and then pretends to type, typing jibberish.  I opened a word processing document for her, left to nurse Luke, and when I returned, she'd written a story about Diego.  The following are some parts taken from her story that I could make out on my own, along with a translation in italics:

Dalfin s hom on oshine...

Dolphin's home in ocean...

lder dalfin...
later dolphin...
dazee aolde 7 sisdr 2 brdr 5

Daisy old 7, sister 2, brother 5

Wat ar yoo I im a Annamel rasgoor

What are you?  I'm a animal rescuer.

Putting aside any modesty, I have to admit that I'm really impressed with this.  I know it's not like she's suddenly completely literate, but I think it's great that, without any guidance, she used phonetics to write words, even a few sentences, that I could read without her explaining.  It probably doesn't hurt that my perception is a little distorted, because, teaching in the inner city, I had a good number of kids come to me at 8 years old spelling at this level.

My favorite two words are "Annamel," because she relied on her sister's name for help sounding that out (and even capitalized "Anna"), and "rasgoor," because she used what she knew about the double o combination making the "oo" sound to spell a really hard word.

It's all a little bittersweet.  I'm really proud of Kate, and I really enjoy with this new, mature Anna, but I feel like they're going to grow up in a flash, a flash I may miss while I'm distracted caring for the twins.

Making caramel apples

I love autumn.  I love all the activities there are to do in autumn.  I doubt it's a coincidence the majority of these activities involve delicious food.

Cheers!

Handmade pie crusts

I have something to confess.  Although I love to make pies, I usually cheat.  I'm not a person who believes in buying premade cookie dough, but I'm extremely fond of those premade rolled up pie crusts. 

The other day, I mixed up the filling for two pumpkin pies and reached in the refrigerator for the box of pie crusts.  It wasn't there.  I was all out!  Since making a handmade crust was decidedly easier than packing up four kids and running to the store, I was forced to make a handmade crust for the first time in years.  Thanks to my food processor, it wasn't as difficult as I'd remembered, but it certainly looked like my first handmade crust in years.

I decided this was a skill that should be practiced, and, my mom guilt kicking in, also a skill that should be taught to my daughter.  So, this afternoon I asked Kate, "Do you want to learn how to make a handmade pie crust?"  She said she did.  We added the flour and salt to the food processor, cut up the butter and was adding that to the food processor when she bust out something that she'd obviously been pondering, "Why is this called handmade?  Isn't everything handmade.  We make everything with our hands... not our feet!"

 Kate is eating a cinnamon crisp made from the leftover dough.

Baby wearing

"Babywearing" is a relatively new term, often used by advocates of "attachment parenting," the philosophy that babies and parents benefit from nearly constant closeness with each other.  Partially because I somewhat share this philosophy, but mostly because I liked to have my hands free and my baby content, I "wore" Kate a good amount and "wore" Anna most of her infancy.  And now, inspired by pictures of happy moms successfully carrying a content set of twins with both hands free, I've been trying to also get baby wearing work for the twins and me.

I have the wraps shown in the pictures below, but just can't get it to work.

 

I've theorized it's probably just too much to ask. But, since I still have that dream, I've been searching for another way.  During all my research, I have come to the one conclusion. 

I will not, under any circumstance, carry my twins like this:

They're not chihuahuas!

The Melbye kids

That's a lot of kids!

The perfect mom

I’ve had a few days lately when I’ve been feeling especially overwhelmed, frustrated, like I need an escape. On one of these days, my neighbor happened to mention she was looking into options for going back to work. I confessed that I had gotten so desperate that day that I'd even considered going back to work, but that I'd then realized my teaching license had expired and that I hadn’t yet taken the classes required to renew it.

In the course of our discussion, my neighbor said, “…and what little girl, when thinking of what she wants to be when she grows up, thinks, ‘Oooh, I want to be a mom. I want to stay home and raise kids.’” The deep sarcasm with which she said this delayed the truth sinking in. But the truth came.  The truth is I had an answer to her question: me. I was the little girl who, when thinking of what she wanted to be, thought, “I want to be a mom.  I want to stay home and raise kids.”

When I’d dream of the perfect life, I pictured myself with a bunch of kids and, in my wildest dreams, with a set of twins. I am living exactly the life I always hoped I might be lucky enough to have.

Realizing I was living my dream led me to wonder why I've been getting so frustrated. I’m not like many women who resent “wasting my time at home.” I don’t wish I were doing something else.

I think the reason I'm getting frustrated is because I worry I’m not living up to my full potential, my potential as a mom. I think it’s because I don’t feel like I’m as good of a mom as I thought I’d be. Maybe it’s simply because I’m not perfect.

But, what am I not doing? What would make the perfect mom? Does the perfect mom cook three course meals every day... using only organic food?  Does she diaper her children in cloth, head up the PTA, and volunteer at the local soup kitchen.  Does she make educational projects with her children and garden with them, fertilizing the plants with only compost she made from kitchen scraps? And does she live in a house without a speck of dust and perfectly polished floors?

In reality, no human can do all those things. Of course, the perfect mom doesn’t exist. All any woman can hope to be is a great mom, maybe the perfect mom for her particular kids. And the only way to be that is to prioritize. We have to know what we want to do, what we can do, and what we have to let go of to do those things.

In my dreams of being a perfect mom, I didn’t see the layer of dust on the furniture, the scraps of food left under the table, the piles of mail remaining unsorted in the study. Since those things exist in my reality, I thought it meant I wasn’t the mom I wanted to be. But, I realized something. In my dreams, I also didn’t see polished furniture, clean floors, and organized mail. I didn’t see those things at all, because those things don't matter.  I didn't see anything other than my children and my relationship with them, the things that matter.

So, when I’m overwhelmed, when I’m frustrated, when I’m wondering how I can have a spotless house, make involved meals, use cloth diapers, grow an organic garden, and still have quality time with my kids, I have to remember what's important. I have to remember what I want to do, what I can do, and what I have to let go of to do those things.

Spending time at the orchard... while the breakfast dishes are left on the table at home.

The orchard with Oma and Opa

We picked raspberries, apples, and pumpkins on Friday morning! 

It was the twins' first time at the orchard.

 

Mama cow

When Dave came home from library class with Anna last week, he relayed a funny story.  The librarian was reading a book about animals to them, and the kids had to guess which animal she was talking about.  She gave the class a hint, "This animal makes milk."  Knowing Anna knew the answer, Dave prompted her, "Where does milk come from?"  Anna lit up and replied, "Mommy's breasts!"

Good latch

Ally has still been having a hard time getting a good latch when she's nursing, despite our appointment with a lactation consultant. She did get her first good latch in a long time Friday night when I was nursing both twins at the same time since we were in a hurry. Unfortunately, she got that good latch on Luke's finger!

Two realizations

I realized two things today. 

I nurse the babies each about 8 times a day.  At each nursing, they take between 3 and 4 ounces of milk.  That means, between the two babies, they're taking approximately 56 ounces of milk.

Realization 1:  I'm making the equivalent of 9 school lunch milk cartons every day.

Realization 2:  Since most kids drink chocolate milk for school lunch, the above explains why I am eating enough chocolate every day to flavor 9 cartons of milk.