Ally's logic

A few weeks ago, I heard some noise from downstairs one afternoon.  

I rhetorically asked the twins, "What was that?"

Ally immediately answered, "That was Mither Theifert."

Scott Siefert is our contractor.  He hasn't been here in months.


Every time we've read this book, for the last year, Ally has pointed to the middle illustration and told us, "That my!" or as she got older, "That's me!"

On the way home from Bay Beach, Kate said, "If you look over there, there's fog."

Ally, "I no see frog.  I no see frog."

We were all tired.  No one responded.

Ally explained, "Frogs lib in water and say 'ribbit, ribbit'."

More "Anna revelations"

"Why do you only need a seatbelt for your bottom on a plane, but you need a seatbelt for your top and your bottom in a car?  I think it's because you have to stop a lot in a car."

"Every time I pet Bailey, she smiles. I know why she's sad, because she doesn't want to be tied up.  Or maybe she is happy, she just wants to look sad so I'll pet her."

Things one would miss out on if they never potty trained twins

1.  Having two incredibly urgent toilet needs at the same time... nearly every.  single.  time one has to use the bathroom.

2.  Fights over who is going to dump a small bucket of urine.

3.  Cleaning splashes of urine of the wall that result from afore mentioned fights over small bucket.

4.  Having one toddler bite the other for flushing his feces.

5.  Blaming the puppy for a puddle on the floor but then inspecting two toddler bottoms just to make sure.

Yikes!

We went on the ferris wheel at Bay Beach.  Dave took the "A Team," Anna and Ally.  I took Kate and Luke.

Once it started spinning, Luke hunched down farther and farther until I worried he might slide out all together.  I pulled him up and said, "You like it?  Is it fun?"

He responded with one meek word, "Yikes."

Meanwhile, I looked back and saw this from his twin sister.  She loved it!

Ally also got to go on the child swings.  She just made the height limit.  When I tried to get Luke on, he got denied.  I said, "Their twins."  It didn't matter; he was at least an inch and a half too short.

The day was great fun.  Here are some other pictures.

Costco receipt

Whenever you leave Costco, they check your receipt and draw a line down the front of it with a highlighter.

We usually have the same woman check our receipt.  Since I let one of the kids hand her the receipt, she always flips the receipt over when she's done drawing the line and draws a smiley face on the back.  It's so simple, but they all love it.

Yesterday we had a different worker.  After he drew the line down the front, he handed the receipt back to Ally... with no smiley face.  I watched her, wondering if we'd have a pre-naptime meltdown.

She examined the receipt, and happily exclaimed, "Lukey, he drawed a snake!"

Naughty (toy) puppies

The twins each have a pull-toy puppy they play with all the time.

They love making the puppies do naughty things and then reprimanding them.

The puppies jump up on me all the time, and the twins will order them "Off!"

The puppies steal toys and the twins will shout at them to "Drop it!"

The puppies need to be tied up to chairs or table legs because they can't be trusted.  They've even relieved themselves on the floors.

I don't know where they get this stuff.

Siri

When I was taking Kate and Anna amphibian hunting a couple weeks ago, I was getting verbal directions from the GPS on my phone.

After Siri told me my next turn, Anna marveled, "How does Siri know so much."

Kate tried to explain it was a computer.  Anna didn't buy it.

Peanut butter and jelly pancakes

A couple Waffle Wednesdays ago, I was trying to convince the kids we should have pancakes instead.  I figured it would be easier, as I'm getting sick of making waffles every week. Trying to entice them with all the possibilities, I said, "I've heard of people making peanut butter and jelly pancakes."

Anna was far from enticed.  She said, "Gross!"

I just smiled and shook my head.

But, Anna continued, "What 'people'? Weirdos?"

Here I am, now. Entertain me.

I'm going to blame all the medicines I'm on for my migraines, but I am a bit of a mess lately.

I almost burned the house down a couple days ago making Luke his "decap chai" as he calls it.  I'd moved the kettle off the burner, which stays incredibly hot, and while I was pouring the water, a tea bag fell on the burner and started on fire.  I ended up scooping it up with a ladle and whipping it in the sink while Luke and Ally yelled, "Fire!  Fire!"

Today I decided to treat myself to a mini-spa treatment during nap time when I took my shower.  I decided to give my hair a hot oil treatment with coconut oil.  Unfortunately, none of my natural hair products wash out coconut oil.  So, I look incredibly greasy right now... like shockingly so.

Darn Pinterest, always giving me "ideas."

We were supposed to have a playdate, so I'd spent the second half of the afternoon planning how I was going to explain the grunge look I'm sporting, especially when I no longer have any flannel shirts.  I don't even have any Nirvana on my iPhone.  I could venture into the crawlspace where we store our CD's, but the dust would trigger my allergies and my eyes would turn all red... Hey, that might be very apropos.  I just wish I could solve the lack-of-flannel problem...

Wow!  Can I blame this entire post on my migraine medicine?

The toddler formerly known as Ally

My mom called.  When Luke heard it was Oma, he wanted to talk to her.  I let him talk on the phone for a while.  Then
Ally yelled, "I talk to Oma, too!"

When I switched the phone over to Ally, my mom said, "Who am I talking to now?"

Ally didn't respond.

So, my mom continued, "Is this Ally?"

Ally said, "No."

My mom tried again, "Am I talking to Ally now?"

Ally said, "No."

My mom asked, "Who is this on the phone?"

Ally said, "Baby Sasha."

Commiserating

Ally was having a tantrum.

We had gone out to lunch, and Dave and I had carried the twins down a long flight of stairs.  Near the bottom of the stairs, Ally said she wanted to walk, so Dave put her down to walk.

Ally had wanted to walk down all the stairs, so she yelled, screamed, and headed back
up the stairs.

Dave tried to convince her to come with us with no success, so I said, "Let's keep walking."

Anna didn't want to come, "I feel bad for Ally."

I said, "I know, Honey.  But she can't act like this."  Anna came.  

Ally sat down and screamed louder.  Dave went back and carried her.  When they caught back up with the rest of us, Anna looked at Ally, shook her head empathetically and said,  "Ally, when I was your age, they did that same stuff!"

Anna's ensemble

I could start a whole new blog just of Anna's outfit choices.

Today's outfit consisted of a short sleeve shirt with a tie dye layered over it paired with plaid shorts.

Bed time conversation

It was nearing bed time.  I was getting Luke and Ally's pajamas on, and the older girls were changing in their room.

Wondering where my helper was, I said to the twins, "Where's Daddy?"

Ally said, "Downstairth."

I continued, "What's he doing?"

Ally thought for a moment and concluded, "Making cake."

I began to laugh hysterically. I have known Dave for 17 years, and he has never made a cake.  To picture him down in the kitchen on a random Saturday, months away from any birthday, at bedtime... just "making cake."  Priceless!

Later I asked the twins, "So, what was Daddy making cake for?"

Luke said, "My bohthday."

I replied, "Well, I guess your birthday is coming up in a couple months."

Ally asked, "When my birthday?"

I said, "Your birthday is the same day as Luke's."

"Oh," she said, with an expression of disgust, "right."

Grass head project

If any of you have some nylons in a drawer, here's a use for them.  (No one really wears those things anymore, do they?  Or is it just me who has decided bare legs, or maybe yoga pants, are the new nylons?)

What to do:

Take the foot of a nylon (non-supported toes work best) and sprinkle in some grass seed.

Stuff it with soil to the size you want the head, and tie a knot where the neck would be.  Leave the end of the knot long to serve as a wick for water.

Twist and tie off some bumps for ears and a nose.  Then decorate.  I glued on eyes and a pipe cleaner mouth (I can't bring myself to call them "chenille stems") using hot glue and they've held great.

Set the "heads" in yogurt containers filled with water.

Keep wet and wait for the "hair" to grow.

Later you can trim the hair or add barrettes or rubber band piggy tails.

Anna revelation

Anna is interested in what she is interested in, and she sometimes pays very little attention to anything else.  But, occasionally she'll notice something and declare this observation, like none of the rest of us knew it either.  I call these "Anna revelations."  I wish I remembered some of her other ones, because they're usually not nearly as astute as this one, but here was today's:

"I know how they make granola!  You know that stuff that openo (oatmeal) is before you cook it?"  Then sticking a finger out for emphasis declares, "It's granola!"

She later added, "I know the real way to say 'openo,' but it's just such a weird word."  She waits a moment, then rolling her eyes at the absurdity says, "Oat-peno!"

Anna's outfit

Anna was jealous of Ally.  Ally gets to wear the same clothes more than one day in a row.  By clothes, I mean her "princesses," which would be her nightgowns.  I've learned to choose my battles with Ally, and this is not a battle I chose, neither the pajamas in public argument or the wearing dirty clothes argument .  So, unless they are totally crusted with food, she can wear them again, and I just change the shirt underneath.

Anna doesn't think it's fair that she can't wear the same clothes every day.  Choosing my battles again, I told Anna she can wear her clothes as many times as she wants if it's a "stay-home day"; she just can't wear the same clothes to school two days in a row.

This morning Anna was getting dressed in an especially interesting outfit consisting of a patterned shirt with a differently patterned skirt and pants of a third pattern.  She was very proud of this outfit, and she asked, "Is there school tomorrow?"

"Nope," I replied.

"Oh, yeah!" she exclaimed, "I can wear this outfit two days in a row... no three... no four!  Four days in a row!"

"Four?" I asked.

"Yep!" she explained, "Because school won't know I wore it the two days in between."

Anna's victory dance when she realized she could wear her outfit four days.

Pictures from our Grant Park hike

Anna's thoughts on marriage

Every kid in Anna's class is making a scrapbook page for her teacher who's getting married this summer.

I let Anna dictate a letter to include on the page.  I asked her, "What should we tell Miss Lucas about getting married."  Here's the first paragraph I got.

Dear Miss Lucas,
   I hope you have a happy wedding and a fun “married.”  Enjoy your babies.  I hope they don’t cry too much.  Babies are really “cry-y,” but they will cry less if you sometimes give them what they want.  Babies will scoot when you first have them, and then when they get a little bigger they’ll crawl, and when they turn two, they will walk.  Babies will drink out of your "breasties" when they’re really little.  If you already know that, don’t blame me...

My Mother's Day gift to other moms

Every mother has those moments when they are convinced they're a bad mom.  Every other mother we know has to be doing it better than we are.

Well, next time you're having one of those days, remember this and you'll know there is at least one other mom who sucks worse than you feel you do.  I mean, chances are, you're doing an awesome job.  But, since you probably won't believe it, especially at that moment, just know that I have done worse.

Ally and Luke developed "broken record syndrome" a few months ago.  The symptoms involve continuously repeating the same phrase over and over (and over and over) regardless of what we say.  This can be hard on a parent when a toddler does it, but it is downright maddening when two toddlers do it, especially while two older children are also trying to be heard which leads the toddlers to repeat things more often and more loudly, which eventually leads to the puppy barking incessantly as well.

So, it was.

I was serving the bagels for dinner.  (Oh, you can add that to your list of why you aren't doing as badly as you think.  If you do more for meals than removing something from a bag, toasting it, and smearing stuff on it, you've got one up on me.)

Luke said, "I no want cheese!"

I said, "I won't give you any cream cheese, Luke."

Kate asked me something.  I answered her.  I asked Anna what she wanted on her bagel.  I couldn't hear her answer because Luke was saying, "I no want cheese!  I no want cheese!  I no want cheese!" 

I said, "Okay, Lukey.  No cream cheese."

I went over to Anna's chair to try to hear her.

Luke continued to say, "I no want cheese!  I no want cheese!  I no want cheese!"

I said, "I know, Lukey.  You don't want cheese.  I won't give you any cheese."

I tried to find out what Ally and Kate wanted on their bagels, as I walked around the table to untwisted the puppy's leash from the chairs and managed to step in a puddle of pee.  All the while, Luke saying, "I no want cheese!  I no want cheese!  I no want cheese!"

I sopped up the dog pee with a paper towel.  I sprayed it with the cleaning spray and wiped that up.  Luke was still saying, "I no want cheese!  I no want cheese!  I no want cheese!"

I stood up, at my wits end.  I stared at Luke and, waving back and forth in a dramatic "no" sign, I said, "I.  Won't.  Give.  You.  Any.  Cream.  Cheese!!!"

Kate and Anna burst out laughing.  Dave just stared at me.  I looked down at the floor and went over to wash my hands.  I heard Luke start back up again, "I no want cheese!  I no want cheese!  I no want cheese!"

I tried to ignore him as I pried apart a couple more bagels.  I heard the toaster pop up.  I turned my back to the kids to reach for the toasted bagels and mumbled, "I won't give you any f$%^&*^ cream cheese."

Anna, who must have purchased a Whisper 2000 off a late 80's infomercial in a former life began to wave her arms mimicking the motion I had made moments earlier and saying, "I.  Won't.  Give.  You.  Any.  F$%^&*^.  Cream."

Dave's jaw dropped.  I cringed.  Then, as she began repeating it a second time, I raced over, grabbed her from her chair, and took her out of the room to have a little talk.

I began by telling her that Mommy had used a word we shouldn't really say.

She looked thoughtful and asked, "What word...?"

I was taken aback, "Well, the one you just said because I said it..."

Anna began to wave her arms and started cracking up.  Then she said, between giggles, "I just love... how you waved... your arms, Mommy!"

Kites

Luke enthusiastically wanted to fly kites.  "Kites are amazing.  They fly in the air.  The wind makes them go so high.  They're super amazing."

We went to the park after dinner.  It wasn't until we arrived that I realized, with the sun setting in the background and the gorgeous sky, that the setting would make for some amazing pictures.  I hadn't brought my camera, but I did have my phone.

Crash.

Look at that sky!

Amphibian hunt

Last weekend, we were heading to an Audubon sponsored amphibian hunt about an hour away in Eagle, Wisconsin.

When we were about half way there, Anna asked, "Where are we going, again?"

I said, "The forest we're going to is in a town called Eagle."

Anna said, "No wonder it's so long. Why didn't we take a plane?"

Tea time

"Oh, Charlotte!  You're a riot!"

"Cheers!"

"Hmm?  I thought that was my tea sandwich."

It happened

Well, it happened.  The years of having to speak to more toddlers than adults have finally gotten to me.

Let me preface the incident by explaining the last hour of my life.

We ran into the library for a few minutes where Luke filled his diaper.  I didn't have a diaper in the library, so I told him I'd change him when we got to the car.  He told me, loudly, "No, I no take my poopies in the car!"  I said we wouldn't.

When it was time to check out, I realized I didn't have my wallet in my purse, so I had to ask, with my most pathetic look, if they happened to recognize me, since I'm the women constantly dragging two toddlers and a preschooler in and out of the library with me, so they could let me check out without my card or ID.  They took pity on me and agreed.

While they were scanning my books, Ally fled out the front doors.  I raced after her and intercepted her just steps before the parking lot.  I knelt down in front of her and laid into her with a full audience behind the glass doors.

When I finally got the books and kids out to the car, I found Bailey had vomited in three separate places.  One of the puddles of vomit was really close to running off the floor mat onto thecarpet, so I removed the floor mat to try to dump it out and wipe it with a wipe.  As soon as I got the floor mat out, the vomit poured off the edge of the mat, all over my sandaled foot.  Suppressing a gag, I reached in the car for the wipes and pulled out the very last one.

I decided we'd have to forfeit the diaper change in favor of my dog-vomit covered foot.  I tried to put Luke in the car, but he screamed, "My poopy not go in the car!  My poopy not go in the car!"

Okay.

I lay him down on the grass to change his diaper.  He didn't like the position I'd put him in, so he shifted... and plopped his left arm right into the dog vomit.

I had one wipe.

So, I got most of the poop off his butt, put on a new diaper, and we headed home with both Luke and I a bit dog vomit-y.

When we got home, I cleaned Luke's arm, I cleaned my foot, then I cleaned the car.

I put Bailey in her crate, where I found she'd vomit before we'd left.  I decided I better call the vet before I gave the kids lunch.

When I got on the phone, I started to explain,

"This is Kristal Melbye.  We brought our dog Bailey in this morning to get her distemper shot.  The vet also gave us a deworming pill to give to her, which we gave her after she got home.  She's started to vomit a lot.  She's also been taking an antibiotic twice a day for her diarrhea."

I hadn't gotten any farther than this in the conversation before both Luke and Ally began following me demanding lunch.  I whispered for them to wait just a minute and tried to walk from room to room to be able to hear the receptionist.

I continued, "I was wondering if the vomiting is a side affect of the deworming pill, or if maybe the deworming pill is incompatible with the antibiotic she's been on."

Despite my dodging, Luke cornered me.  I couldn't hear myself think, but I was hoping the receptionist could still hear me, so I continued, more loudly, "I was just wondering if there's something I should do..."

I though of whispering to Luke, Mommy's on the phone, but instead I continued to talk to the receptionist,  "or if Mommy should..."

It was just out of my mouth when I realized I'd just referred to myself as Mommy to another adult on the other end of the phone.

Anna's betrothed

Anna says she is going to marry acorns.

When Kate asked her why, she said it's because they wear such cute hats.

Anna's not going to be a mom

Anna has been saying for about a year that she doesn't want to have kids.  This has always kind of nagged at me.  I wonder, Do I make having children seem like such a chore that she doesn't want any of her own.

When I've asked her why she doesn't want kids, she's always explained that she simply doesn't want to do all the things a mom has to do.

So, I don't know if it's my negative influence, or if she's just really selfish, or just really self-aware... or just five.

Anyway, Anna now thinks that her lack of desire for kids means she doesn't have to be held to the same expectations around the house.

A few days ago, I told her the dishwasher needed to be emptied, which is one of her jobs, and she said she didn't want to do it.  I usually ignore her complaints, but that day, I took the time to explain, "Anna, I have you do jobs so you can learn to be responsible."

She came back with, "Well, I'm not going to be a mom!"

The next day we were cuddling during nap time.  I asked her, "How could I be an even better mom?"

She thought for a moment and responded, "You could let me do whatever I wanted."

I said, "That wouldn't make me a good mom at all.  A Mommy's job is to help you grow into the best person you can be."

And she said, like I had been missing everything she's ever told me, "Welllll, I'm not going to be a mom!  I'm going to be an artist!"

Gratitude

Sometimes my kids embarrass me like crazy and I literally wonder why I every decide to take them in public.  But, occasionally, admittedly less often than the former situation, I'm really proud of them.

Last Wednesday, I had to teach at church.  The twins were going to go into a class, but when I tried to leave them, Ally flipped out.  I didn't have any choice but to leave her, though, so I hoped for the best.

When I returned, I didn't find them with the class.  I found them playing in a separate room with a sweet older man, one of the teachers from the class they were supposed to be in.  He explained that Ally didn't do well in the class.  I was really embarrassed that he had to leave the class he was supposed to be helping teach and take my kids into a separate area.

I thanked him profusely.  He told me it was no problem, and he turned to leave.

Ally said, "Thank you holding me."

He didn't hear her.  I said, "Oh, Larry, did you hold her."

He looked a little bashful and said, "Yes...she was really upset."

"Oh, no...  What I mean is, she just thanked you for holding her."

"Oh," he said, now understanding, "You're welcome, Ally."

Then he started to walk away, and Ally spoke up, "Thank you stopping me crying."

That was so sweet.  Unprompted, she was expressing her gratitude for something someone had done for her.  It brought tears to my eyes.

After he left, I asked her how Mr. Larry had stopped her from crying.  She told me, "I say, 'I need my mama, I need my mama,' and he say, "You mama coming back,' and I say, 'Oh, okay.'"

Butterflies

Despite a disappointing experience with the museum's butterfly exhibit last year, I thought I'd take the twins back today.  I figured maybe the reason they were all afraid last year was just because the twins had been picking up on Anna's fear.  Plus, I reasoned, more exposure is the best way to help kids learn to appreciate something.

I was encouraged this morning at breakfast when I told them where we were going and Luke said, "Butterflies?  They're amazing!  They're super amazing!"

The twins started out nervous, but they stopped clutching my clothes in their fists, and I thought they might be warming up.

I picked up a butterfly and I thought I'd show them up close.

As Dave said when he saw this picture, "Baby Sasha loves butterflies!"

That was when we left.  At least this year we didn't leave amidst shrill screams from one child while I carried the other two.

But that's just because I only had two kids with me.