I've been teaching a new class based on the book Siblings Without Rivalry. I originally read the book in the fall and found it so helpful, I decided I had to teach it. For one thing, I often get questions relating to sibling relationships in my Love and Logic classes, so I knew people were interested. But, also, I find that unless I teach something, I slowly let the skills slip, so I wanted to teach it to make sure I was keeping up using the skills from the book.
I have been teaching two sessions each week, so, along with preparing for the lessons, answering emails, and adding the skills to parent coaching, I have near daily reminders of the skills.
A big principle of Siblings Without Rivalry (and also Love and Logic) is when there is a disagreement between children, you empathize with the feelings of each child and you never pick a side.
I've been doing quite well, with the daily reminders and all, but, tonight all that went out the window.
Anna had gotten home at bedtime, and immediately what had been a peaceful afternoon and evening kicked up a notch. The kids were all getting ready for bed and Anna was sitting on the toilet, presumably pooping, but also giving her siblings an impromptu Avett Brothers' concert and throwing balled up socks and other dirty laundry at Luke from her "stage." Luke enjoyed this, but when Ally tried to brush her teeth she was upset about the sock in the sink and the other laundry she had to step over.
Anna and Ally started to bicker. I half listened and stayed out of it until both girls came in the hall screaming. I took a deep breath, ready to intervene with, "You're frustrated because... but you feel..."
As I approached, I heard Ally screech, "I use that cup
every night!"
And Anna answered, "How am I supposed to know that!?"
The girls saw me and stopped screaming at each other, ready to calmly make their cases. Anna accused, "She dumped my retainer on the floor."
Ally, looking indignant, but managing to be calm said, "I didn't mean to, but I was so 'usgusted' that I just did."
To state more of her case, Anna explained, "I put my retainers in one of those cups every night."
One of those cups... She couldn't be talking about the drinking cups. About a year ago, after too many illnesses, I installed a nice shelf so that each kid could have a separate cup to use every night to rinse their mouths. Since they've all had a certain color cup since they started drinking out of a cup, I put one cup of each color in the bathroom.
Instead, I asked, "You put your retainer in one of the drinking cups every night while you brush your teeth."
"Yes!"
"Your siblings' drinking cups?" I think of Anna's influenza last week and how I carefully cleaned everything constantly and even switched to paper towels in the bathroom for a few days for them to dry their hand to prevent spreading germs.
Anna switches back again to, "She dumped my retainer on the floor!"
So, here's where I could have empathized with both girls,
So, Ally, it disgusts you that Anna put her retainer in your drinking cup, but Anna, how are you supposed to know that the four cups are, in fact, not
to store your retainer while you brush your teeth.
Instead I tell her, "Yeah, I would have dumped your retainer out, too!"
Anna was so mad at my reaction that she placed her first ever, "Keep Out!" note in her doorway.
