Doc McStuffins

On days when Anna gets to watch a TV show, she always picks Doc McStuffins.  It's about this little girl who fixes up stuffed animals when they get "hurt."

I thought this was a perfect way to explain to Anna what the doctor was going to do to me during my procedure.

After the show, she and I were cuddling in my bed.  I told Anna that Oma and Opa were going to come play with her for a while the next day because I had to go see Dr. Bear so he could fix something that was bothering me.

Anna looked a little concerned.  I continued explaining that Daddy was going to take me to the hospital for a little while so Dr. Bear could make me feel better.

She still looked a little stressed, so I joked around with her.  I said, "And when Dr. Bear is all done, I'm going to say..." and I burst into a song from Doc McStuffins, changing it just slightly, "I feel better, so much better, thank you Dr. Bear, for taking my ouchie away..."

When I finished singing, Anna was smiling.  But, I soon learned she wasn't smiling at my joke, but at her own.

I hugged her and asked, "What do you think Dr. Bear will say about that?"

She responded, "He'll say, 'You're an idiot!'"

My little environmentalist

I was out in the yard with the kids yesterday when I thought I'd show Luke how he could pick some of the little violas we have growing wild in the back.

I picked one and showed it to him, smelling it and holding it out for him to hold.  He took it from my hand and quickly tried to put it back where I'd found it.  When he couldn't reattach it, he looked distressed and said, "Uh oh!"

Thank you, Anna

I pulled the "supersize family cart" into the Target checkout with Luke fussing in one of the additional plastic seats, Kate whining in the other, Ally throwing a full-fledged tantrum in the seat of the main cart, and Anna dropping merchandize onto the floor as she attempted to load the conveyor belt from the back of the main cart.

The checkout woman looked a little stunned and just said, "Wow."

I was way too exhausted to do anything but feign a smile.  Good thing Anna piped up with, "Aren't we adorable?!"

Best laid plans...

A couple years ago, I said to my friend Samantha, "Wouldn't it be fun to pack a picnic, too? We can hike down to the lake, splash in the water, then come back up to play on the playground, and when we get hungry, we can picnic in the park."

There was a pause and she asked, "How fun was that last time?"

Her dry humor made me laugh.

She was absolutely right, of course.  I do it all the time.  I plan a big, elaborate day, adding in multiple ways to make things just a little more complicated than they have to be, and when it's way, way, way more exhausting than fun, I wonder why.

That was probably two years ago, and I haven't learned a thing in that time.

Oh, well.  I guess it's better that I forget my "fun plans" are never quite fun, because if I had a better memory, I'd probably just sit around the house for the next few years.

Which reminds me why I thought of that conversation with Samantha.  Friday I thought it would be "so fun" to take the kids out to Noodles and Company.

Here are a several pictures from our second trip to the bathroom, right after I gave up on keeping the babies hands off the toilet.

Please type the two words you see in the box above...

I sometimes wonder if I'm a robot.

I struggle so much with those word verification things.  At first I think I might know what it says, but then I look a little closer and I can't tell what letters they are, and it just goes downhill from there.

So, when websites joke, "Please prove you're not a robot," I get a little bit defensive!

More of Ally's manners

We were leaving a friend's house Saturday night.  Ally wanted to be the first to go out the door, but Luke was already standing in the door way.  Ally grabbed a big fistful of his sleeve and tried to yank Luke out of her way.  When he hadn't moved enough, she repositioned herself and used both hands on his shoulders to shove him.  When that attempt failed she pushed him by the face.

Each time she aggressively attempted to move him, she piped up in a sweet little voice, "Scuse me.  Scuse me.  Scuse me."

This is just so "Ally."  It's just like the innocent "thank you" she said when she took Luke's raspberry last week.

Bodies

I wasn't quite 13 years old when the kids at school started teasing me about my body.  It went so far that they once stuck a "Wide Load" sign on my back.

Oddly, I wasn't ever that fat.  I wasn't rail thin, and I did have bad posture, but whatever the reason behind their teasing, it started what would become over twenty years of body obsession.

I was anorexic by the time I was 14, weighing thirty pounds less than I do now at just about the same height.  My mom took me to a doctor and I began eating more, but my entire life has seemed to cycle between being underweight or self-loathing.

There was a time about ten years ago when I got into running, and for the first time in my life the focus shifted from my weight and the way my body looked to what my body could do, to my body's strength.  Unfortunately, my running career was short lived.  Despite treatment with two different physical therapists and an orthopedic surgeon, my knees were not built for running.

Experiencing pregnancy and nursing was amazing.  One would think that seeing my body grow children and nourish them would make me realize it's not about what I look like or what I weigh, but it eventually did come back to that.

I started doing yoga several months ago.  The first class was free, so why not?  It turns out I love it.  Not only have my headaches and other  pains drastically diminished, but my whole body feels stronger.  It's finally about what my body can do.  It's about how I can live in this body, get what I need from it, and give it what it needs to work best.  I finally feel like I'm working with my body, not just trying to manipulate it into looking a certain way.

I pray that I do everything I can to help my kids avoid battling with their bodies.  I think if I can love my own body, that will go a long way in helping them to love theirs.

I got into a wheel pose for the first time this morning.

It's a tough job

A good friend of Dave's from high school is in town today.  For the last year or so he's lived in Singapore.  He's a super nice guy, and we were talking about how he lives in Singapore.  He explained that there's a program through the government where people can get live-in maids.  He was telling us a little about what she does and how much he pays her.  He explained, "I mean, she has a really tough job.  She does the cleaning, cooks meals, she watches the kids, and it's all day, morning to night..."  I interrupted and commented, "Yeah, I get it...  I get it."

College is preparation for life

All those nights of making macrame hemp necklaces in college were actually preparing me for motherhood. 

Just think how badly my first attempt at french braiding Kate's hair
would have gone without my collegiate experience.

It's starting already

I put Ally in her bed, and got her settled.

When I put Luke down across from her, he kept yelling, "Ni ni!  Ni ni!"

At first I just said, "Ni ni, my sweet."

But then it was very obvious he was not saying good night to me.  I wasn't sure what was wrong until I noticed he was also pointing as he yelled.

When I followed his gaze, I saw Ally was standing in her crib.  Luke was tattling on her.

Peace and quiet

Today Anna was doing her best to annoy Kate, making noises and seeing if she could get a reaction.  Finally Kate turned to Anna and said, "Anna, could I please get a piece of quiet?"

Anna responded, "You already had a piece of quiet."

Simple chore chart

You might have seen those fabulously cute chore charts on Pinterest.  Unfortunately, they're not very practical.  Most people don't have the time to make something so elaborate, and since chores should change as kids get older, it probably doesn't make sense to take the time anyway.

I made our chore chart out of a magnetic white board I found for $6 at Target.  It came with blank magnets, to which I just glued pieces of paper with Kate and Anna's names.  I wrote their jobs using permanent marker, so the don't get wiped off when they move their name magnets.  (Hint:  If you make a mistake with permanent marker, you can just erase it with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser... yes, those completely toxic things that just so happen to work perfectly for so many things that nothing environmentally friendly works for.)

It's nothing fancy but it only took $6 and 10 minutes to make, and it works perfectly!

We define chores as something the kids are assigned to do to help the family.
We call things that the kids take responsibility of doing for themselves
as a "habit" they should get into doing.  

April showers...

We like to keep our kitchen window decorated for the season or month.  We took the eggs and cross down yesterday and put up this for the rest of April and May.

We used finger paint to paint the window with fingerprint raindrops.  Then the kids got to choose petals and which color circle they wanted to glue them around.

(View from inside)
Anna wouldn't let us put her face in her flower,
so she ended up being a raindrop,
and an anonymous one at that. 

(View from outside)
The leaves say
April Showers bring May Flowers

The artists in action:

More yoga

I started doing yoga this year, and it has helped me feel so much better.  I introduced it to the kids a couple months ago, and they have so much fun with it.  I even bought them their own mats a couple weeks ago.

Kate's one-legged dog

The girls' rag doll poses.  Their little kid arms are so short.

Anna's downward dog.

Ally crawling under Anna's "dog."

Kate's wheel on her new mat

Kate showing Daddy an inversion

Luke's raspberry

My little Ally is going to go far in life.

Today Luke and Ally were having a snack at a friend's house.  They sat at a little table by themselves eating some fruit.  After Ally finished hers, she reached over and helped herself to one of Luke's raspberries.  He burst into tears as she chewed it up.  As he continued to cry, Ally swallowed, smiled, and sweetly said, "Thank you!"

Bad mommy moment #1

I had a couple unbelievably bad mom moments today.

This first one was something expected... well, not necessarily expected, but I kind of saw it coming, knew it was a possibility that I'd do something like this.  It's been brewing.

The fact that Kate doesn't seem remotely bothered by eating an animal has been on my mind, but I have been treading carefully so as not to say something I couldn't take back, something I'd regret.

When Kate was little I'd always thought the moment the topic arose, she'd never want to touch meat again unless she was forced to, like it was with me.  The first time I ever heard that burger was a cow, I was done with it.  I think I gagged and I know I cried.  When I realized chicken was called chicken because it was a chicken, I was horrified.

When I so carefully explained to Kate that meat was, well...animals, she just took it in stride.  I couldn't believe it.  Did she not understand?  She did.  So, I've left it up to her, but I guess I just haven't been able to reconcile the way she feels about it with the way I feel about her.  I can't imagine how my beautiful, sweet, compassionate little girl would be okay with animals dying.

But, I believe the right thing to do is just give her the facts and let her make up her own mind.  I don't want to push my own personal decision down her throat.  But, today I did.

We were at the zoo.  I was a bit grumpy from spending the an hour chasing the twins through the overly crowded aquarium, and I was a little shaken up having just seen some baby chicks and thinking of such innocent, fuzzy creatures being ground up in the egg industry.  We were walking toward a calf.  I used to feed calves from a bottle at my friend's farm, and I think they are just the most precious little things.  A few things Kate has said went through my head: "It's just not worth being a vegetarian; meat is so good."  "I'm just really into meat."

And the part of my brain that makes me talk bypassed the part of my brain that filters what I say as a parent and I said, "So, Kate, when we see this cute little calf, I want you to think how soon it will be grown up and someone can cut it up and make it into steaks you love so much.  See if you still think that's okay."

I immediately began fighting a mental battle.  I knew that wasn't okay to say.  But, I also tried to justify it.  It was true.  Maybe she needed a concrete example.  No, this was not a nice way to do it.  But... No, no "buts." I probably just traumatized her.

As she looked at the cow, I asked her, gently, how she was feeling.  She didn't seem to know what I meant.  Well, did she still feel okay eating meat.  She did.

I didn't continue the conversation then.  But, I thought about it on the drive home.  I just couldn't understand it.  I am baffled.  I guess I figured that adults eat meat because they have grown callous to the fact that we're eating animals, that animals are dying so that we can eat something.  But, I didn't want Kate to feel like we were at odds.  I needed to make it an open conversation, not me throwing something in her face.  When we walked in the door, I sat the girls down and talked to them.

"So, you know how I talked a little bit about being a vegetarian at the zoo?  Well, you know it is up to you what you eat, just like it's up to Daddy.  I love you just the way you are, and it doesn't matter what you choose, but I just want you to explain it to me.  Can you tell me why you want to eat meat?"

Kate didn't miss a beat, "Because it tastes good."

I took a deep breath, carefully choosing my words.  "Okay.  Do you think it's okay that an animal has to die so you can eat it?  Do you think it's okay that the little calf we saw at the zoo would grow up and get killed so you could eat steak?"

Kate smiled a little, possibly at my naivety, "Well, probably not that cow.  Because that's a zoo cow."

I ignored her comment and just decided to speak from my heart, "Anyway, that's why I don't eat meat, because I don't think it's right to kill an animal just so we can eat meat."

And Kate just gave me that same look, poor naive Mommy, "Well, just because you stop eating meat, that doesn't mean they'll stop killing animals."

I smiled, told the girls that I love them, and came in here and wrote this.

Bad mommy moment #2

Unlike the first, the second bad mommy moment was completely unexpected.  In fact, it's so ridiculous I had to wonder if it's ever happened to anyone in the history of parenthood.

I bought the kids ice cream as a treat before we left the zoo.  They were adorable, happily enjoying their cones with big, messy smiles.  Luke and Ally offered me some licks of their ice cream, and they were so happy that I took some.  Their dripping faces just beamed as they took turns holding up their cones to me.

I noticed Luke was only eating his cone on one side and it was really uneven, causing him to bury his nose in ice cream every time he tried for more.  To help correct the situation, I decided to bite off the side he hadn't been nibbling from.  I asked him if I could have some more, and I positioned my mouth to take a big bite of cone.  When I did, it was oddly hard to bite through.  I bit down harder, wondering for an split second why the cone was so tough.  When he screamed, I instantly knew what I'd done.

I grabbed him out of the stroller, holding him close, burying his ice cream coated face into my neck, thinking if I just held him tighter, I could make the pain go away.  I wanted him to stop screaming, to take a breath in, to be done crying.  I wanted to stop his pain.  I could still feel the pressure on my top tooth where I'd bit down.  What is wrong with me?  How the hell could I have done that?  How could I have bit his finger...and then bit down harder?

Different stories

Kate had a play date at her friend Wesley's house.  When she arrived home, Wesley's mother told me that Wes had not only professed his love for Kate but also declared they were going to get married some day.

Later, I asked Kate about it.  "So Wes told you that you'd get married someday?"

She responded, "He told his mother he was going to.  But, really," she continued, "it's not that likely."

I stifled a laugh and said, "I suppose that's true."

Then she continued, "I mean, the chance we actually would get married;  it's really small.  Not likely."

I just nodded my agreement, and tried not to laugh.  She is so practical.  I am not.  She is like me in every other way except this.  I mean, it honestly took me well over a decade to realize I wasn't going to marry the boy I'd confessed my undying love to in kindergarten!

Later that night I told Dave what Kate said.  He laughed and said, "Our girls couldn't be more different."  Then he recalled what Anna said last week, how it was the opposite of Kate's practical, down-to-earth sensibilities.

Anna was sitting on my lap last Friday, and she said, "You used to have a really, really big belly."

I asked her if she meant when the twins were in it, and she said she meant when she was in it.

"When I was in your belly," she continued. "I used to call you Big Belly!"

"You did not!" I teased back, "You couldn't even see me when you were in my belly!"

"I could, " She said.  "I just took your belly button," and gesturing with her finger, continued, "and I booped it over so I could peek out.  Then, when I saw your belly, I said, 'bib beh wy.'"

"Ohhhh, you did?" I asked, pretending to be stunned at this bit of information.

"Yep," she confirmed.

"And, what else did you do in my belly?" I asked.

She told me how she had looked all around for another baby, but couldn't find one and was a little lonely.  And she explained that when it was time to come out, she pushed all the water out of her way "and when I was sliiiiiding down the baby hole, I looked up and saw you.  Then I smiled at you.  And you smiled right back at me."

I smiled at her then.  I'm so blessed to have all of my kids.

Egg hunt

My kids love berries.  So, when the Easter Bunny thought to hide plastic eggs full of blueberries and raspberries instead of chocolate, I thought it was a genius idea.

Although I failed to consider the how easily berries stain clothes and carpeting, particularly when stepped on my eight little feet,  it was super fun to let the kids find the eggs and freely gorge themselves on their delicious but healthy spoils!

Decorating eggs

I tried something new this year.  I'd seen an idea for "volcanic eggs" on Pinterest, where you make a sort of paint with baking soda, water, and food coloring.  After the eggs are painted, you pour vinegar on them to make them bubble.  Although the bubbling effect was a lot less than I'd hoped, it was still fun for the kids to be able to paint their eggs instead of simply dipping them. Even the babies got to have a hands-on egg dying experience.

After a while, Ally decided the egg wasn't enough of a canvas for her.

And Luke agreed. 

This is not washable paint.  Nope.  It's food coloring.

My poor son

With three sisters, he never stood a chance.

And that's only half of it.  He also insisted I paint his toenails yesterday, too.

At least I chose blue...?

The little sniffer

Luke's nose is so sensitive he was begging for the Cadbury egg I'd sneaked into the basement and eaten before I even was six feet away from him.

So, why is it, if he had his way, he'd walk around in a pooped in diaper all day rather than let me change him?

What did you just eat without me?

Happy Keester!

I totally stole this idea, but I thought it was pretty funny.

Poor Anna

Anna loves sympathy.  She's heard us say, "Poor So-and-so" when someone gets hurt or is sad, so she will often ask, "Poor Anna?" if something isn't going right for her.  Monday was actually a little bit of an actual "Poor Anna" day.  She had a few disappointments, but she was also so sweet!

Kate had a play date at our neighbor Connor's house after school, and Anna was very upset she wasn't invited.  I thought of something to cheer her up.  I remembered I had some coupons for free personal ice cream cartons.  I thought it would be fun to go on a little outing to the grocery store and let Anna pick out what ice cream she wanted all for herself.  

My idea actually created even more disappointment.  I told Anna she could have her very own little carton of ice cream.  She said, "Oh, yeah!  I remember one time when Kate and I had our own little cartons."  

I didn't remember that.  I asked, "Your own cartons of ice cream?"  

She said, "No cartons full of different kinds of food."  

I was a little busy, so I said, "Oh.  Well, this one will be all ice cream!"  

Imagine her disappointment later...  She'd remembered little kid carts she'd been able to push around at Sendik's and help me shop.  So, she pictured she was going to get a whole cart full of ice-cream.  Not only was she disappointed she couldn't push her own cart, but the carton of ice cream was significantly smaller than a whole cart of ice cream.

ANYWAY, she handled it pretty well.  I let her carry and then push around a basket in the store.  And, we bought some blueberries and bananas to cheer her up, too.

When we were done shopping, I got the kids back in the stroller.  Anna started eating her ice cream, and I split another personal carton between the babies.

After the babies scarfed down their ice cream in two minutes, I began to push them home.  No sooner had we started moving, but the babies were making their tongue waving noises at Anna and her ice cream.  "Ahahahahahahahaha," they'd say, practically in her face, begging for a spoonful of ice cream.

Anna gave them each a spoonful to pacify them, and just like feeding any wild animal, this just made the babies beg more.  "Ahahahahahaha.  Ahahahahahaha.  Ahahahahahaha."

Soon Anna was alternating between the two of them as quickly as she could, but while she'd be giving Luke a scoop, Ally would be waving her tongue behind Anna, and while she was giving Ally a scoop, Luke would be doing the same.

I watched this whole thing and commented, "That's very nice of Anna.  You should say 'Thank you.'"  So, every time Ally would get a bite, she'd chirp, "Ank U."

I realized Anna's ice cream was nearly gone, and she probably had barely a quarter of her carton, so I said, "Anna you're being so nice.  When we get home, I'm going to let you have all my ice cream."

Anna scraped the last out for Ally and said, "This is the last spoonful, Ally, but don't worry.  I'll share Mommy's ice cream with you."

I took these first two pictures as I pushed the stroller and just watched my sweet girl!

Luke's begging, "Ahahahahaha."

Yesterday was a good day

Yesterday was a good day.

Dave took the big girls on the train to Chicago to go to the Shedd Aquarium, and they had a great time.

I stayed home with the twins.  We ran errands in the morning, but after nap I decided to make it a special day for them (and for myself), too.

I asked them if they wanted to go out to eat.  They both confirmed, "Doh! (Go!) Doh!" and ran to the mudroom to get their shoes and coats on.  I packed them in the car and took them out to eat at The Olive Garden.

They were the cutest little things all evening.  I let them both walk in from the parking lot, each holding one of my hands.  They really couldn't have looked any cuter in their matching hand-me-down summer shoes, taking a huge step up the curb and heading into the restaurant.

We were greeted by the host and hostess, and the babies must have felt so important walking to the table.  I let them each have their own straw cup half filled with chocolate milk, and they split a mac & cheese.  They were so good.  Ally let out just one angry scream the entire evening, and stopped immediately when I told her, and Luke was perfect.

Half way through the meal, a woman shouted, "Your babies are so well behaved," and I replied, "Now you knock on wood!"

A few other people came and talked to them, commenting on how good they were.  They really rose to the occasion.  I was so proud of them.

There was a couple of elderly women next to us, talking loudly so they could hear each other, and they were going on and on about Luke and Ally.  I pretended I couldn't hear.

Instead of bolting out the door the second we were done eating as we've done any other time we went out to eat, we were having such a good time, they even got to split a sundae.  We had a great time.