I’ve read about a couple studies that have shown that swearing helped relieve pain by activating the brain’s natural pain-relieving chemicals.
I cite these studies as justification. You see, I’m not a yeller, but I have been known to let a swear word slip on occasion. It’s not something I’m proud of, but it didn’t really seem like a big problem.
Then last week Anna was working on her kindergarten math homework. She got the answer “four” several times in the first couple lines and, surprised, she exclaimed, “D***it, that’s a lot of fours!”
Dave looked questioningly at me. Did she say what I think she said? I knew right away that she had, and I knew there was no fooling myself that she’d heard it “at school.”
“Honey,” I said, bending down to talk to her, “Da**it isn't a nice word.”
And then the dreaded, "But you say it."
Oh, the guilt.
So maybe the afore mentioned “occasion" on which I’ve let a swear word slip had happened more frequently. I decided to start a jar. If I said something inappropriate, I’d put a marble in the jar. If I got five marbles, I’d make the ultimate sacrifice: I’d let Dave watch an entire Brewer’s game while I entertained the kids.
We all have our weaknesses. I'm admitting mine because sometimes moms need to hear about other moms’ weaknesses to know that they themselves are okay, weaknesses and all.
A while back, I confessed my swearing to a friend, hoping to hear that she could relate. She looked somewhat horrified and said, “Really? I've thought them a lot, but never actually let one slip!” And I felt like a terrible mom.
I felt better a couple weeks later when a different friend, who’s a wonderful mother, mentioned how much she’d been yelling. I said, “I’m not really a yeller, but…” I hesitated, wanting to share my own weakness, but feeling ashamed, “I, uh, sometimes swear around the kids.”
“Oh,” she said, waving her hand dismissively, “I do that, too!”
Moms do such a disservice to each other and to ourselves when we only let our good sides show. Social media exacerbates this. We see so many posts of all the great things our friends are doing with their kids, but not a whole lot about parents losing their tempers or being overwhelmed. It gives us a false impression that everyone else is doing a better job parenting, and having more fun, than we are. And it might make us feel like we have to put on an act to compete with this false impression. So, whenever possible, let’s be real with each other.
By the way, I'm not a complete sailor. I started the jar over a week ago, and there's only one marble in it. And it wasn't even around the kids, just the dog, after she tripped me when she tried to lick the dishes in the dishwasher. I banged my shin. And you know what studies have shown about swearing helping to relieve pain.
